Saturday, January 14, 2012

My Version of Doormat to Dreamgirl

For the longest time, I was nothing but a scared little child. I suffered from low self esteem, body issues, and fear of confrontations which when put all together created the most introverted and secluded person you will ever meet. I entered one long term relationship and it took almost all of the confidence and energy I had, and when that ended, I spiraled downward so fast that within a blink of an eye I was married with two kids. My husband was inattentive, rude, selfish, and practically never around. I spent the first year of marriage battling with myself and my husband; I’d show small signs of strength and then crumble again with my inner demons.
                I wasted a decade of my life living in fear and insecurity until one day I realized something; in the past decade, while I sat at home avoiding a social life, while I sat home waiting for my husband to show up, I did one positive thing. I read books. Lot’s and lot’s of books, about everything imaginable. Relationship books, power books, psychology books,  diet and exercise books, secrets to power, law of attraction, beauty and makeup, the list was practically endless. And then it hit me, was I making good use of the information I had read? Did I try to put into action some of the scientifically proven things I had come across?
                The minute that thought crossed my mind I quickly began to filter the nonsense that I had read with the solid information that I had ingested and that is when I realized that I had a goldmine of information at my fingertips. Things that I knew were fact and yet I either didn’t have the guts or the patience to put into play. And then one night I decided that was all going to change, I was slowly going to try to implement all the strategies and information that I had learnt into my life and document the results; and because I’m the kind of person who likes to reveal every small piece of information about my life I’ve decided to write everything on this anonymous blog instead of sharing it with everyone I know and thus ruining the entire experiment.


At Home on the Rock... said...

I can so relate to just about everything you have written here (although my problem area relationship is with my Dad). I think it's a great idea what you are doing. Good for you too for doing something to change your situation. Not an easy step to take. I'm looking forward to reading as you move forward through this.

Fashion for Breakfast said...

At Home on the Rock: Your comment means so much to me and I'm sorry about your Dad. I guess we all have obstacles to overcome and I'd love to share my experiences with you.

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